Christmas Fun in the Great Hall
by ejbyer2003
Summary: Hermione gives Harry and Ron a special present. ^.~ Then they are joined. RATED R FOR A REASON!


Christmas Fun in the Great Hall  
  
[A/N: One night, my friend and I were chatting when the subject of Harry Potter arose. She told me of a few stories on FF.net that were . . . oh, shall we say, disturbing? Like, for example, that one where Lupin and Snape get a bit too close for comfort. Well, anyways, we started making up strange pairing offs between the students and teachers. So there you go.]  
  
[Warning: This is rated PG-13 for a REASON. In fact, maybe it should be X. o.O if you disapprove of adultery or gay . . . er, happy-ish stuff, don't read]  
  
[disclaimer: this story belongs to me. MWAHAHA. No, the real HP belongs to the great J.K Rowling. But this story itself belongs mostly to me good friend who wishes to remain anonymous. You know, I don't deserve any credit - after all, she came up with it. But, since she lacks a FF.net account, we're using mine.]  
  
_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_  
  
:: chapter one ::  
  
Harry put his fork down and sighed contentedly. Those were the best lamb chops he had ever tasted in years. He slouched in his chair; the waistband of his jeans felt very uncomfortably tight.  
  
To his right, he heard Ron sigh too, and mutter something that sounded like "That fills me up more than Hermione did last night."  
  
Harry took a drink of pumpkin cider; since for two hours last night, Ron and Hermione holed up in the common room and refused to let anyone come down, he didn't really want to know what he meant by that.  
  
He turned to Hermione, who was also done. "Hey, Hermione, those present-notes that you gave us . . . what does that mean?"  
  
Ron leaned over and nodded. "Yeah. Meet me in the great hall after dinner? What's that mean?"  
  
Hermione simply smiled. "I guess you'll just have to see!" She glanced at her watch. "You guys, I've got to . . . get your presents ready. Meet you here in half an hour, when everybody's gone!" With that, she got up and ran out towards Gryffindor tower.  
  
Ron looked a Harry, a befuddled look pasted on his features. "What's up her britches?"  
  
Harry shrugged. "Beats me."  
  
Malfoy sauntered over. "Dumped by your girlfriend?" he sneered unpleasantly. Crabbe ad Goyle's faces imitated Malfoy's sneer, although it looked as if they weren't sure how exactly to sneer.  
  
Harry stood up angrily, and Ron did the same. "Eat slugs, Malfoy," Harry muttered venomously.  
  
"What, so you really do like that mudblood?" Malfoy grinned evilly. "So that skeeter woman was right last year . . ."  
  
"FURNUNCULUS!"  
  
Malfoy clutched at his face. Large, painfully angry boils sprouted all over his pale face, giving the impression of chicken pox or measles.  
  
"Potter," Snape swept over from the other side of the table, leering dangerously, "What are you doing? 25 points . . ."  
  
Dumbledore interrupted. "Oh, Severus, don't be so uptight. It is Christmas. Let them go, it's the holidays."  
  
Professor McGonagall giggled shrilly, spilling a little bit of her 7th goblet of wine on Dumbledore's hat. "Oh, Sevvie, don't be so meeeeaaannn . . ." She hiccupped drunkenly. "If you're so mean to my house, I won't give you any more *hiccup* treats . . . you did like last night's, right?"  
  
Snape's face turned into a dark purple that put up a great competition to Uncle Vernon's angry shade, except Snape had a look of discomfort and embarrassment. "Uh, Potter, . . . you get off easy . . ."  
  
He took a look at Harry's face, which was starting to swell from suppressed laughter. "And, uh, don't believe anything Minerva . . . I mean, Professor McGonagall says."  
  
"Er . . . yeah, what you said."  
  
Snape twiddled his greasy hair nervously, then quickly strode out of the great hall.  
  
Dumbledore glared at McGonagall. "Minerva," he mouthed, "I understand that you would cheat on me. After all, I've gotten old and limp . . . but with that cold fish?"  
  
McGonagall grinned and swigged another mouthful of wine. "Let me make it up to you, then, Albus."  
  
Harry's eyes widened. He never could've thought that Dumbledore could sweep McGonagall into his arms, and sweep out of the hall so quickly.  
  
_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_  
  
Ron propped his head upon his elbows. "Half an hour my arse . . . it's been half an hour and twenty nine minutes!"  
  
Harry sighed. "What is Hermione . . ."  
  
The door to the great hall squeaked open. In walked Hermione. Her hair was slicked back; obviously, she had used some Sleazy's [A/N: We forgot what it was called ^^;;;] hair potion again. Her eyelashes were a dark black, and her lips were a crimson shade. She shut the door behind her. "Hello, boys."  
  
Harry swore that his jaw dislocated; his mouth had never opened so big in surprise.  
  
"Her-her-Hermione?" Ron sputtered. "What are you doing?"  
  
Hermione smiled. She slipped off her robe, showing her clad in only a skimpy, black, sheer nightgown, with nothing underneath.  
  
Harry felt his eyes bug out. So sheer . . .  
  
Hermione sat on the table, positioning her legs in an open way. Harry felt himself sweating profusely.  
  
"Merry Christmas. Who first?"  
  
Ron looked at Harry. "After you."  
  
Harry walked forward towards Hermione awkwardly. "Uh . . ."  
  
"Take it off."  
  
"What?"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Take off your clothes."  
  
"What, I . . ."  
  
"Do I need to hex your clothes off?"  
  
Black robes, Mrs. Weasley's sweater, Dudley's old jeans and a pair of neon green boxers dropped to the ground.  
  
Hermione threw a small square package at Harry. "Put this on."  
  
Harry held a small rubber cap to his eyes. "What's this?"  
  
Hermione sighed exasperately. "Didn't you ever read Condoms, A History?"  
  
"N-no."  
  
"Come over here." She grabbed the condom and stretched it over Harry's, um . . .  
  
"Hermione!!! You're touching me . . . there!"  
  
Hermione groaned exasperatedly. "Do you want this or not?"  
  
Ron nudged him. "Go on . . ."  
  
Hermione turned over onto her hands and knees. "Go on, Harry, claim your prize."  
  
"What do I . . . do?"  
  
"RON!"  
  
"Eh," Ron said, sniggering, "You put that into her, um," he pointed at that holy place we all know about.  
  
"This?" Harry pointed down at himself. "You mean put Harry Jr. into that cave?"  
  
"Precisely."  
  
Harry shrugged. "Ok."  
  
He did so, and Hermione let out a moan of contentment. "Oh, Harry," she gasped, "You're good!"  
  
Harry didn't say anything. Animal instincts had kicked in.  
  
Ten minutes later, Harry laid on the ground, panting. "Whoa, that was good."  
  
Hermione composed herself also. "Yeah, just one problem . . . next time, put the condom on right."  
  
Harry peeled it off and threw it in a corner. He collapsed, exhausted.  
  
Hermione beckoned Ron over. "Your turn, icky Ronnekins."  
  
Harry watched, amusedly, as Hermione went into moans of ecstasy again.  
  
Both Ron and Harry were collapsed, later, as Hermione sat, panting. "Well, boys, liked that?"  
  
Ron and Harry nodded eagerly, waiting for more.  
  
Hermione grinned. "You can have more. But first, you have to do something for me."  
  
Harry and Ron looked at each other and shrugged.  
  
"You two do each other."  
  
"WHAT?" Ron burst angrily. "That's is so Snape and Malfoy!"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
Hermione glared. "Would you rather that I find Snape?"  
  
Harry and Ron gave her a horrified look. "Fine, you win."  
  
Ron pointed to the floor. "You, Harry, on the bottom." 


End file.
